One step forward

Got back from my Engaged Encounter course just this evening.. it was a live-in course since Friday evening with tons of things raised for discussions about life & decisions for individual & couple work-out. The inital intentions for going for this course with my Bear were 1) To see if the person I was with is the right person I'm going to marry 2) Deal with some discussions because it's hard to talk wiht my Bear, who doesn't talk much, like my dad & 3) This course was mandatory in order to move on to getting married =p

Honestly, putting all pre-conceptions aside, I got a lot out from the course, especially the proper lone time I got with my Bear without having to deal with any distractions of TV, computer, etc. From the few days we had together, at least I got to hear my Bear's voice, talking more to me then the usual one-word or one-sentence answers.. having to deal with questions that we needed to write out our answers to in a journal instead of speaking them out was really good, because in that way, we were given a chance to really think thru' what we wanted to say, before we penned 'em down & also because the words have now been annotated, we're aware of what we have ever said.

There were tons of questions & writing down of answers & it felt like I was back in school doing major essay exams.. lol.. but these questions had to be answered, so that we could later discuss & talk about them & settle any pressing or upcoming issues. We were dealt with lots of topics especially on Sat., it was one presentation, sharing, questions, answers & then dialogue with your partner, one after another - from topics ranging from us personal, moving on to us as a couple, open communication, inter-faith marriage, family, finances, wedding, Natural Family Planning, married sexual intimacy, etc.. It did drive me a lil crazy having to cramp so much listening, writing & talking with my Bear within such a short time but we only had 3 days, technically less than 72 hrs since we started the course only on Fri. evening & ended at 6pm on Sunday & minus breaks, meals, sleep.

We covered a lot within those 3 days, my Bear & I & now we are more clear if we're to move to the next step with each other.. tt & our journals certainly won't be just a once-off thing.. it's good we have our thoughts, views & words written out 'cos at least we get a chance to go back & have a look at what we wrote - our promises, goals, tries, etc.. just talking without the writing would have been different because there won't have been anything concrete to go back on. Discussing abt our differing religion was the hardest, toughest & worse for the both of us. It was definitely sth we both avoided talking abt because we didn't want to have to face it, not knowing anything & tearing each other apart.. sure it was tough still talking abt tt issue at the course but at least, we faced it with more calm than I think we would had we spoke abt it outside the course. Somehow, where we were & what we were there for made it a lil more settled for us to deal with this huge tough issue.

I have made a decision with regards to tt, which might not make some happy but it is what I have to do.. no point holding hard & stubborn on opposing views & not trying to give a lil compromise.. we both made a lil compromise would somehow someway in some time cause unhappiness with some, but it's either this or the end of us, which is what it wasn't for us.. we want to be able to work things out between ourselves, because at the end a marriage would be between us two & not with family, friends.. we have to create our own family. I'm not saying things will get easier, it might & it might not but it'll be a long journey & lots of fights (upcoming issues, etc) to face up to.

All I can hope it we get strengthen together as a couple, we both grow together & learn together & of course, endlessness prayers to the One above.